Everyone who really knows us, knows that we are a family who loves to travel! Since bringing Mia back with us from China, we have deliberately stayed at home for the entirety of the summer. We just thought it would be best to give her as much time as possible to get used to being a member of our family, and to feel safe and secure in her new home. The girls will be going back to school very soon, so we really wanted to sneak away for a relaxing week at a resort in Cocoa Beach before the hustle of the school year began. Our transition has been going so well, we thought Mia would be just fine with a little getaway. After all, this is us. Travel is what we do. The day before we were scheduled to leave, I tried to explain to her what to expect. And to her credit, during my explanation, she seemed agreeable enough. But she’s four, so it’s really hard to tell how much she truly understood from our conversation. However, the next morning I could feel her anxiety mounting. I spoke calmly to her as I removed both girl’s clothing from the dresser and packed their joint suitcase. With every passing minute, Mia was growing ever more the cling-on, not letting me out of her sight. I held her. I rocked her. Nothing I could say or do would comfort her for long. Before I knew it, Mia had made her little self sick with anxiety. Yes, THAT kind of sick. And she soiled her underpants. Twice. We all gave her hugs and kisses, and lots of reassurance. To be honest, inwardly I was beginning to feel a bit anxious myself about the upcoming two hour car ride, when I remembered that I still had a few pairs of pull-ups from Sydney’s toilet training days. We all made a big deal about Mia’s special princess panties, and off we went. Gratefully, we arrived a few hours later at the resort without incident. This is a terrific family place, and today we are all relaxed and happy. In my earlier days as a mom, I would to do whatever I could, often going to great lengths, to spare my (then single) child any pain. Now that I’m more seasoned in my motherhood, I know that isn’t my job. We all experience discomfort, in a multitude of ways, throughout our lives. To set our children up for the expectation that they should never have to endure negative feelings, is setting them up for failure. As my wonderful friend Ingrid once told me, our job as mothers is not to take away our children’s pain, but instead to have the courage to be present with them in it, and to provide loving support as they learn to manage all of the complicated emotions that make us uniquely human. I hope I was able to do that for Mia yesterday.
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While we were in China, I received such positive responses to this blog! Now that we’re home, I thought my work with this project was finished. To my surprise, many people have encouraged me to continue writing about our experience, wanting to know how things are going moving forward. So, for those of you who are curious, here’s what’s happened over the past two months. We left Hong Kong on Monday, May 21. Over 30 hours later, we arrived home in Jacksonville. I was so glad to be home, I practically fell down and kissed the carpet! The two weeks following are little more than a blur of a memory, as we all came down with a nasty flu-like illness. Let me tell you that it was a long two weeks of living off of chicken soup, Gatorade and breakfast cereal. We can laugh about it now, and we joke that we all had the Hong Kong Flu. Who knows? Maybe we did. Personally, I’m going to blame the visit to the theme park for the infection. Once we emerged from the vise-like grip of illness, getting settled to our ‘new’ normal has been, well, surprisingly EASY. I would love to take credit for this, but in all good conscience, I cannot. I will tell you that I did my homework, and (I think) I was prepared for the worst. Internationally adopted kids can have a lot of transition issues involving food, sleep, culture shock – the possibilities are many. We are so thankful, and fortunate that our little Mia is such an easy kid. She has thrown herself into our lives with a joyful heart, and a playful spirit. She eats whatever we put in front of her, even if she doesn’t like it, and usually asks for more. She is eager to help around the house, almost to a fault. I am a big believer in giving children age appropriate household tasks, to instill a sense of responsibility and family unity. She sings as she sets the table for dinner in the evening, and she can fold clothes (almost) as well as I can. She loves a bath in the evening, and she sleeps deeply and peacefully every night. Our only challenge is keeping her safe, as everything here is new to her. For example, the first time she got out of the car, she grabbed the bare edge of the window, and tried to swing herself out! Thankfully, the window didn’t break, but that was when I fully realized how much teaching she was going to need, and quick! For all of our concerns of the language barrier, that seems to be dissolving right before our eyes. We’ve been home for about 10 weeks now, and it is impressive to say that she is functionally fluent. She speaks mostly in English, but peppered with Chinese. We understand her well, and others seem to be able to figure out what she’s talking about too, especially if one of us is there to provide some context. So typical, for any four year old. It’s amazing to watch her language blossom, and ironic to realize that she too, has trouble with some of our phonemic sounds – which causes her to pronounce certain words in ways that are stereotypical of the Chinese. For example, the sound of ‘r’ was very difficult at first, and ‘l’ comes out as more of a ‘w’. As with everything, practice, time and patience have been the keys to improvement. |
Lisa LynchLisa is a world traveling mom that took the ultimate adventure Archives
December 2012
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